In 1938, Harvard researchers embarked on a decades-long study to find out: What makes us happy in life?
The researchers gathered health records from 724 participants from all over the world and asked detailed questions about their lives at two-year intervals.
Contrary to what you might think, it's not career achievement, money, exercise, or a healthy diet. The most consistent finding we've learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer. Period.
The No. 1 key to a happy life: 'Social fitness'
Relationships affect us physically. Ever notice the invigoration you feel when you believe someone has really understood you during a good conversation? Or a lack of sleep during a period of romantic strife?
To make sure your relationships are healthy and balanced, it's important to practice "social fitness."
We tend to think that once we establish friendships and intimate relationships, they will take care of themselves. But our social life is a living system, and it needs exercise.
Marloes De Vries for CNBC Make It
Social fitness requires taking stock of our relationships, and being honest with ourselves about where we're devoting our time and whether we are tending to the connections that help us thrive.
How to take stock of your relationships
Humans are social creatures. Each of us as individuals cannot provide everything we need for ourselves. We need others to interact with and to help us.
In our relational lives, there are seven keystones of support:
- Safety and security: Who would you call if you woke up scared in the middle of the night? Who would you turn to in a moment of crisis?
- Learning and growth: Who encourages you to try new things, to take chances, to pursue your life's goals?
- Emotional closeness and confiding: Who knows everything (or most things) about you? Who can you call on when you're feeling low and be honest with about how you're feeling?
- Identity affirmation and shared experience: Is there someone in your life who has shared many experiences with you and who helps you strengthen your sense of who you are?
- Romantic intimacy: Do you feel satisfied with the amount of romantic intimacy in your life?
- Help (both informational and practical): Who do you turn to if you need some expertise or help solving a practical problem (e.g., planting a tree, fixing your WiFi connection).
- Fun and relaxation: Who makes you laugh? Who do you call to see a movie or go on a road trip with who makes you feel connected and at ease?
Below you'll find a table arranged around the seven keystones. The first column is for the relationships you think have the greatest impact on you.
Place a plus (+) symbol in the appropriate columns if a relationship seems to add to that type of support in your life, and a minus (-) symbol if a relationship lacks that type of support.
Remember, it's okay if not all — or even most — relationships offer you all these types of support.
Think of this exercise like an X-ray — a tool that helps you see below the surface of your social universe. Not all of these types of support will feel important to you, but consider which of them do, and ask yourself if you're getting enough support in those areas.
Looking at the gaps on the chart, you might realize that you have plenty of people you have fun with, but no one to confide in. Or maybe you only have one person you go to for help, or that a person you take for granted actually makes you feel safe and secure.
Don't be afraid to reach out to the people in your life. Whether it's a thoughtful question or a moment of devoted attention, it's never too late to deepen the connections that matter to you.
Robert Waldinger, MD, is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and director of Psychodynamic Therapy at Massachusetts General Hospital. He is a practicing psychiatrist and also a Zen master and author of "The Good Life." Follow Robert on Twitter @robertwaldinger.
Marc Shulz, PhD, is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and a practicing therapist with postdoctoral training in health and clinical psychology at Harvard Medical School. He is also the author of "The Good Life."
Don't miss:
- I'm a psychology expert in Finland, the No. 1 happiest country in the world—here are 3 things we never do
- Here's the No. 1 phrase used in successful relationships, say psychologists who studied 40,000 couples
- A 67-year-old who 'un-retired' shares the biggest retirement challenge 'that no one talks about'
VIDEO25:4425:44
Why Finland and Denmark are the happiest countries in the world
Sign up now: Get smarter about your money and career with our weekly newsletter
FAQs
Contrary to what you might think, it's not career achievement, money, exercise, or a healthy diet. The most consistent finding we've learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.
What did the 85-year Harvard study found the number 1 thing that makes us happy in life? ›
Harvard's 85-year study finds happiness is all about relationships.
How to be happy according to the leaders of an 85-year Harvard study on happiness? ›
The decades-long Harvard happiness study that Waldinger directs found that people who are great at connecting with, and reaching out to, others everyday were the happiest, and were able to be more resilient when facing challenges in life.
What is the 85-year Harvard study on retirement? ›
85-Year Harvard Study Finds the Secret to Happiness Later in Life Is Building Social Connection After Retirement. In 1938, a Harvard Study began looking into how to retire and be happy. Researchers asked 700+ people questions regarding their happiness every two years as they entered mid- and late life.
What does Harvard study say about happiness? ›
The elderly may not need so many friends, but require a few intimates to keep them happy. While some studies find that happiness takes a nosedive in midlife, the Harvard study found that “the happiest and most satisfied adults [in midlife] were those who managed to turn the question 'What can I do for myself?
What is the #1 key to happiness? ›
Contrary to what you might think, it's not career achievement, money, exercise, or a healthy diet. The most consistent finding we've learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer. Period.
What is the main message from this 75 year study about happiness? ›
It's the longest in-depth longitudinal study on human life ever done, and it's brought us to a simple and profound conclusion: Good relationships lead to health and happiness.
What is the number 1 factor in achieving happiness according Harvard's 80 year study? ›
The quality of our relationships. Waldinger and his research team were amazed to discover that individuals who had the strongest bonds with others tended to lead happier, healthier, and longer lives as they aged.
Do happier people live longer? ›
Numerous studies show that happy people can expect to live longer, be healthier and be more resilient to stress. So, happiness expert Sarah Pressman, professor of psychological science, initiated a week-long event on campus to promote good vibes.
What brings the most happiness in life? ›
People often think things like money or luxury lead to happiness, but research indicates some healthy life practices may actually be the key. Simple experiences like spending time with friends and family or practicing gratitude may promote a healthier outlook on life. Looking for ways to shift negative thinking?
Having strong emotional ties with friends and family protects us from isolation, depression and even mental illness. For human beings, love and intimacy are as essential as food and water. Spend more time cultivating connections with your parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, friends, coworkers and neighbors.
What is the best age to retire for happiness? ›
On average, both retirees and pre-retirees said 63 is the ideal age for retirement — and current retirees left the workforce pretty close to that mark. The survey found that 62 is the average retirement age, but future retirees may have some challenges retiring on time.
What are the 5 secrets of happiness? ›
The five ways they identified are connect, be active, learn, take notice and give. Being 'happy' or 'happiness' is a transient or momentary state that describes your emotional (or psychological) frame of mind at that moment in time ….
What is the strongest predictor of health? ›
Nutrition is the single most important predictor of health, and yet, diet is the vital sign we almost never measure.
How to lead a happy life? ›
Pleasure and joy can be achieved in many ways including spending time with people we love, self-care, doing exercise or engaging in activities that make us happy. Feelings of purpose and meaning in life come from achieving goals, taking care of loved ones, fulfilling responsibilities, and finding meaning in your work.
What is the number one thing that makes us happy? ›
Spend time with friends and family. Social time is highly valuable when it comes to improving our happiness, even for introverts. Several studies have found that time spent with friends and family makes a big difference to how happy we feel, generally.
What did the Harvard study show? ›
The value of relationships
Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, says one of the biggest surprises they encountered was that what makes people happy is also what helps keep them healthy—relationships.
What is the number one contributor to happiness? ›
Recent studies reveal that the number one contributor to genuine happiness is the strength of our social relationships.
