When you have kids, the simple act of getting them dressed and out the door feels like a major accomplishment.
It’s something we do every day, and yet it can feel so hard. Especially if you’re juggling multiple kids or your child faces motor skill challenges.
As a feminist parent, you strive to support your child’s bodily autonomy. But it can feel so tempting to just yank a shirt from the drawer, pop it over your little one’s head, and rush out the door.
As your children age and/or improve their motor skills, you want to give them more and more independence. You stop and think, “okay, can my child start getting dressed on their own now? How can I help them be a bit more independent?”
My 7 year-old and I developed a fun little acronym to help you – an easy trick to help your child choose their own clothes.
WHY CHOOSING CLOTHES CAN BE HARD FOR KIDS
During the “little kid” days, my husband would typically lay out two outfit choices on the bed from which our daughter could choose.
This helps minimize choices in the morning. Especially on a school day. For many toddlers and even big kids, facing a big closet of options is overwhelming. It may push them into resistance mode or simply avoid clothes altogether.
(It makes the prospect of lounging in pajamas all day extra tempting, doesn’t it?)
This is why you’ll see many parenting articles encourage families to choose clothes the night before or lay out a couple of options in the morning.
That works beautifully for a certain stage of your child’s life. But how about when you want to foster more independence?
CLOTHING AS PART OF HEALTHY BODY IMAGE
As a feminist parent, it’s also important to me that my daughter listens to her inner voice for decisions about how she shows up in the world each day, especially as she approaches the pre-teen years.
Personally, as a pre-teen in the early ‘90s, my clothing guidance came mostly from (1) “appropriate” outfits that my parents had selected for holidays, church, and important events; (2) advice from the pages of TEEN Magazine; and (3) what I saw my big sister (with her big bangs) wearing – which, of course, was heavily influenced by #2, as well.
Obviously, teen magazines are mostly a relic of the past. Today teens often look online to what influencers and celebrities wear and advertise – often much more expensive, unrealistic, and edited.
I can’t dismantle social media culture and beauty obsession single-handedly; or in one day. But I CAN provide my daughter with tools to look inward for the answers, instead of constantly outward.
Related: why I didn’t choose my daughter’s back-to-school outfit
AN EASY TRICK TO HELP KIDS CHOOSE THEIR OWN CLOTHES
So let’s get on with my trick to help children choose their clothes with factors that really matter; not just based on what’s cool and trendy.
It’s a 4-part formula. We call it: (1) Weather (2) Vibes (3) Color (4) Comfort.
If you want to make it into an acronym, you could try WWVC or CCWV.
But we usually just say weather-vibes-color-comfort!
Let’s break it down.
Weather: what’s happening outside? Is it chilly in the morning but warming up in the afternoon? You might want layers. Is it raining? That will guide your footwear.
Vibes: what are YOUR vibes today? Do you feel bright and cheerful? Or more “chill” today? Are you celebrating something or planning to be cozy? This helps your child look inward to how their clothing can express their own feelings.
Color: what colors are you drawn to today? Side note: people often ask children: “what’s your favorite color?” That feels like a big commitment, and one that’s often influenced by gender stereotypes. So I often tweak that question to: “what’s your favorite color TODAY?” That gives children a bit more room to experiment. Likewise, for clothing choices, your child might be drawn to bright green today and pastel purple tomorrow.
Comfort: how can clothing support you today? Do you have physical education (“gym class”) today or sports after school? Will you mostly sit or walk today? How will your feet feel after you walk a mile in those fancy shoes? This gives children the opportunity to think about their day ahead, and how clothing can support their own goals and activities. It’s the functional part of getting dressed!
When is the right time to try this prompt for choosing clothes?
I won’t provide age suggestions because every child’s development is different, and articles on this topic often feel ableist.
Consider using this tool on the weekends first (or whenever the “stakes” are lower – meaning, you’re not trying to rush out the door to school or make it to a wedding in 20 minutes.) Weekends are a good place to start if your child wears a school uniform most weekdays.
Some kids love a visual! For children who respond well to visual prompts or non-verbal kids, click on the image below to get a printable PDF:
You could slip it into a plastic covering and use an erasable marker each day to let your child choose. Feel free to get creative!
Will you try it? Comment below if you think this will be a useful way for your children to begin dressing themselves based on their own inner guidance.
In the meantime, download our free guide to raise children with positive body image!
