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For parents, dealing with difficult teenage daughterscan be challenging—and sometimes very different from raising a teenage son. Teen girls are smart, spirited, and strong. They have their own opinions, and they feel things deeply. Moreover, teenage girls are going through all kinds of physical and mental changes. They’re developing interests and relationships outside the family as they develop an independent sense of self.
As a result, teen girls can sometimes bump heads with parents, and act out in ways that can be frustrating for parents. It’s part of the natural process of growing into a young woman. For parents seeking advice on how to deal with a teenage girl, the best approach is usually to listen closely, offer unconditional love, and don’t take your daughter’s behavior too personally.
Key Takeaways
- The part of the brain responsible for judgment and decision-making is still developing throughout the teenage years, making teenage girls more susceptible to shifting impulses and emotions.
- Mood swings are most variable in early adolescent developmental stage, and teen girls show more extreme variations in happiness and sadness levels than boys.
- Parenting a teen girl requires finding a balance between setting limits and allowing her to forge her own path.
- The best advice for parents on how to deal with a difficult teenage girl boils down to: Stay in close connection and communication with your daughter, and try not to take your child’s attitude personally.
Why Teen Girls Are Mean to Their Mothers
It’s important for mothers to remember that typical teenage girl behavior isn’t about you at all. Rather, it’s catalyzed by the intense physical and emotional experiences your daughter is going through as she navigates this stage of maturing into a young woman.
However, there are lots of times when mothers (and fathers) find themselves lamenting, “Why does my daughter hate me?” and “Why is my teenage daughter so angry?” Here are some of the reasons that raising teenage girls can be tough.
The Emotional and Physical Effects of Puberty
Puberty has a powerful impact on a girl’s life. This stage brings both mood changes and new experiences. For girls, puberty begins around age 11. Consequently, girls become physically mature between 14 and 16. And the physical development that comes with puberty can trigger body-image and self-esteem issues. Hence, teenage girls are often self-conscious during puberty as a result of body odor, acne, and/or discomfort with the new changes in their appearance. In addition, they can be more moody, depressed, or anxious.
Furthermore, the adolescent brain is still developing throughout the teenage years, in particular the area of the brain that’s responsible for judgment and decision-making. This area, the prefrontal cortex, doesn’t fully mature until the mid-20s. Hence, teenage girls are more susceptible to shifting impulses and emotions.
Typical Adolescent Mood Swings
Movies and TV often portray clichéd stories of parents figuring out how to deal with a disrespectful teenage daughter. The stereotypical image of a difficult teenage daughter usually involves slammed doors, yelling, tears, and big fights with parents and siblings.
However, there’s some truth in that stereotype, according to research. Astudypublished in the journalChild Development examined mood changes in nearly 500 adolescents. The researchers followed the teens from age 13 to age 18. Three times per year, the teenagers used online dairies to report on their daily happiness, anger, sadness, and anxiety levels over five days. As a result, the study found that teen mood swings are most variable in early adolescence. Moreover, teen girls showed more extreme variations in happiness and sadness levels.
Teen Girls’ Struggle for Independence
Striving for independence is an inevitable part of adolescent development. Teen girls are learning to take responsibility, forming their own values, and figuring out how to make decisions that are right for them.
Thus, teenage girls express independence through theirfashion choices, the music they listen to, the friends they spend time with, and the activities and hobbies they choose. And the choices they make might not be the same ones their parents would make for them.
Hence, parenting teen girls requires finding a balance between setting limits and allowing teens to forge their own path. Furthermore, parents may need to let teen girls experience failure. As a result, they learn more about themselves and develop resilience. But it’s not easy for parents to stand aside and watch their teenage daughters struggle and sometimes fail.
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The Impact of Social Media
Body image issues impact most teens, especially females. As their bodies develop, teen girls tend to focus lots of energy on their physical appearance. And if they feel any insecurity about their looks, social media generally makes it worse.
According to a survey by Common Sense Media, 35 percent of teenage girls who are active on social media worry about people tagging them in unattractive photos. In addition, 27 percent report being stressed out about how they look when they post pictures. And 22 percent report feeling bad about themselves when nobody comments on or “likes” the photos they post. In addition, Facebook use has also been linked toa higher risk of eating disorders.
Moreover, social media carries the risk of cyberbullying—or simply feeling left out. Consequently, it has a negative impact on the mental health of teenage girls. A studyof 13-year-olds called #Being Thirteen found that participants who checked social media sites between 50 and 100 times a day were 37 percent more distressed than those who checked just a few times a day.
“Older kids … are going through a process of separating themselves from their parents, becoming their own people and shaping who they will be apart from us. In order to do that, they need a certain amount of autonomy, room to stretch, take risks, try things out, and grow.”
Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed
Stress Related to Friendships
Friendships are incredibly important for teen girls. Therefore, parents sometimes feel like chopped liver when their daughters choose to spend time with friends instead of family. But connecting with peers is a natural part of adolescent development.
Close teen friendships offer many mental health benefits. However, friendships and friend groups among teenage girls can sometimes be volatile. Therefore, parents need to offer comfort and encouragement if their daughters lose friends or feel unpopular.
Especially important, parents should avoid judging their teenage daughter’s friends. The more accepting they can be, the better. The priority is to maintain closeness and communication between parents and daughters. Therefore, knowing their friends and respecting their friendships is key.
How to Deal with a Teenage Daughter’s Attitude: 10 Tips
There is no one-size-fits-all approach for how to parent a teenager. But dealing with difficult teenage daughters requires caring and compassion, even when you feel frustrated and exhausted. Here are 10 tips for parenting teen girls.
1. Don’t take your daughter’s difficult behavior personally.
Teenage girls are developing their identity and opinions. And part of that is disagreeing with and pushing back against what they perceive as parental control. Difficult teenage daughters aren’t being difficult out of spite. Rather, they are acting under the influence of intense biological shifts. Whether you’re dealing with eye rolls, snarky comebacks, or tantrum tantrums, stay calm and remember to breathe!
2. Establish ground rules and boundaries.
To establish clear boundaries for teenage girls, parents need to create house rules. Next, parents and daughters can work together to set age-appropriate consequences that will go into effect if the rules are broken. However, severe punishment is not the best approach when dealing with difficult teenage daughters. In fact, punishment can make things worse: that is, teen girls can withdraw further from parents.
3. Communicate.
Parents should connect with their teen daughters as often as possible. And it’s not just about providing guidance. It’s more important to listen carefully and validate her feelings. Furthermore, open, ongoing communication between parents and teens has numerous positive benefits, including decreased teen risk-taking behaviors, decreased teen sexual activity, and improved teen mental health.
4. Be compassionate.
For parents of teenage girls, maintaining compassion is essential. And compassion can help both you and your teenage daughter. Not only does a parent’s understanding and empathy allow an adolescent to feel heard and seen, self-compassion can help parents get through the challenges of parenting a teenage girl more easily. In fact, one studyfound that compassion helps us cope better with others’ negative emotions.
5. Focus on the positive.
Even when parents are dealing with difficult teenage daughters, there are often positive moments as well. Parents can focus on what’s working. Hence, they can make sure their daughters know that they appreciate them, even when things are bumpy. That helps build teenage girls’ self-esteem and self-worth.
6. Let her take healthy risks.
Risk-taking isn’t always a bad thing for teenage girls. In fact, a certain level of safe, positive risk-taking is essential for teens to develop their sense of self and gain confidence. Healthy risk-taking activities include performing, traveling, outdoor adventures, physical challenges, and entering new social situations. And you could even do some of this together, by finding things to do with a teenage daughter that are fun and exciting—like rock climbing, kayaking, or singing a karaoke duet.
7. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Teen girls often want to express themselves by dying their hair purple, getting a new piercing, or listening to music their parents hate. The best approach is to let it go. Hence, teens feel a sense of control over their bodies and their environments. And, hopefully, they won’t feel the need to push the boundaries in more dangerous ways.
8. Compromise.
It’s critical for children to feel understood and validated. Moreover, parents can show trust in their daughters by taking their opinions into account. Therefore, parents and teen girls can create rules and consequences through mutual consent.
9. Practice unconditional love.
Parents should never withdraw or withhold their love based on a difficult behavior. Teen girls need to know that their parents will be there for them no matter what.
10. Seek help when you can’t do it alone.
Parents should never hesitate to seek help when dealing with difficult teenage daughters. That might mean talking with a parent coach about your teen’s behavior, or going to a parent support group. Or parents and teens can seek professional help, perhaps by attending family therapy together. Furthermore, teenage girls may benefit from a consultation with a qualified mental health professional during this turbulent time.
In summary, parents wondering how to deal with a teenage girl can find many helpful sources. But ultimately, parenting advice for raising a teenage daughter comes down to patience and empathy.
Furthermore, raising a teenage girl lasts only so long. Consequently, dealing with a difficult teenage daughter will soon become a memory. Therefore, strong parent-teen relationships provide a foundation for ongoing positive connections as teenagers become young adults.
Support for Teenage Girls and Families at Newport Academy
At Newport Academy, we understand the struggles that teenage girls experience, as well as the challenges of raising a teenage daughter. The foundation of our treatment isAttachment-Based Family Therapy, which aims to restore trust and communication between parents and teens.
Moreover, we support teenagers to explore and process their feelings and experiences through a wide range of therapeutic approaches. Each teens’ tailored treatment plan includes:
- Individual therapy,group therapy,Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,Dialectical Behavior Therapy, andEMDR
- Experiential modalities like Equine-Assisted Therapy, art and music therapy, and Adventure Therapy, within a safe and supported environment
- Accredited academic component to teens return to school with enhanced motivation, engagement with learning, and practical skills
Teens in ourresidential and outpatient treatment programsemerge with greater self-awareness and self-esteem, improved family relationships, healthy coping skills, and a sense of hope and excitement for the future.
Contact ustoday to schedule a free teen mental health assessment and learn more about our family-focused clinical model.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Sources
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Child Dev. 2015 Nov–Dec; 86(6): 1908-21.
Drug Alcohol Dependence, 2015; 157: 129.
Int J Eat Disord. 2014 Jul; 47(5): 516-23.
Soc Sci Med. 2013 Nov; 97: 161–169.
Cereb Cortex.2013 Jul; 23(7): 1552–61.
Pers Individual Differences. 2011 Sep; 51(4); 423–428.
J Adolesc Health. 2003 Aug; 33(2): 98-107.
